Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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