am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Randomize
