A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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