my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
