At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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