So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
