OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
