Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
