She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
