I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
