okay pat passed out under dana's car
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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