shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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