that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
