He uses pillows to masturbate.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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