Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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