why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
