This girl is more easily done than said...
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
