I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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