After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize