when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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