OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
