so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
