Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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