The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
