Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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