is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
