Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Randomize
