I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
