my vag is so smooth its legendary
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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