I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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