Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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