next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize