Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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