I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
