My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
