So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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