True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
