i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
