Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
