you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
