I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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