she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
