first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
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