I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize