honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
