I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
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