Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
