theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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