I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
