Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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