i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
