if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Hippo gnu deer
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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