Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Just invented taco cereal.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
