Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
