I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
