Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
