Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
True strength comes from lack of pants
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
