I faked an abortion last night.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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