so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
