You just made me feel so damn special
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
You pole danced in your parka.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
