Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Randomize
