so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
