I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
