Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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