They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
