i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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