then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
