My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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