Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
