when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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